We laser-etch your message onto a real banana.
Type something you probably shouldn't. We burn it into an actual banana and ship it anywhere in the EU. One banana. One message. No take-backs.
- Feature
- 1–2 day EU delivery
- Feature
- Laser-etched peel
- Feature
- Still 100% edible
- fruit-native
- agentic potassium
- LLM: Large Lunch Model
- Snacks as a Service
- zero-to-banana in 60 seconds
- GDPR-compliant pettiness
- ISO-ripeness certified
- carbon-neutral-ish
- blockchain-free since forever
- Series Seed-ling
Three steps. One banana. Zero regrets we can process.
Type your message
Up to 500 characters of sincerity, spite, or celebration. We do not judge. We only etch.
See it on a banana
Our preview shows the exact single-color line art we burn into the peel. What you see is what ripens.
We etch & ship
On dispatch day a laser does its quiet work. 1–2 days later a banana with your name on it arrives.
Compose your banana.
Type it, style it, preview the exact etch. The preview is the honest single-color line art we burn into the peel — no color, no faking it.
Your banana appears here.
Write a message and hit preview. We render the real etch — single-color line art, no photoshoots, no lies.
The AI layer
Powered by artificial intelligence. Obviously.
No fruit company is complete without an AI roadmap. Here is ours, ranked by how real it currently is. One of these exists. We are as surprised as you are.
Banana Biography™
Every banana writes a first-person diary of its journey — plantation, etching bench, parcel depot, you. Generated by a large language model with a surprisingly small ego. Live on every order.
The Meaning Engine™
Sentiment AI reads your message and matches a micro-donation to a fitting cause. Sent “sorry”? We fund conflict mediation. Sent “congrats on the divorce”? Also conflict mediation.
Global Banana Sentiment Index
Anonymized message moods, aggregated and published. The emotional state of Europe, measured in fruit. Economists will cite it ironically, then sincerely.
View the Index →Banana Odyssey™
A cinematic, AI-generated film of your banana’s voyage. Sweeping drone shots of a cargo ship it was never on. Original score. Your banana, but make it Oscar-eligible.
AR Kitchen Preview
Spin your banana in 3D wearing your actual message, then place it on your counter before it exists (Android; iPhones get the spin). Solving a problem nobody had, beautifully. Find it in the configurator.
Project Coconut
For when a banana feels too fleeting: the same sentiment, etched into a coconut. Durable. Theatrical to open. €59. Our lawyers say we can’t call it “forever fruit”. Watch this space.
Also in the pipeline: Morale Bananas™ for teams — bulk-etched quarterly encouragement, invoiced as “wellness infrastructure”. Ask your CFO. It’s B2B(anana).
Made by Humans™
Too much technology? We agree.
Introducing the Resin Banana — our premium tier for people who found the previous section upsetting. Your message, etched into a real banana by hand, with a wood-burning pen, by a person with feelings. The banana is then freeze-dried and entombed in crystal-clear epoxy, mid-ripeness, forever. A banana that can never become a story, because it is already a monument.
Each piece is slightly imperfect, because so are we. Numbered edition of 50 per batch. Allow three weeks — humans are slow, and we consider that a feature.
No form. No funnel. No AI. You write, a person answers.
Ships like a paperweight, because it is one.
Certificate of Human Authenticity
- Artificial intelligence used
- 0%
- Machine learning consulted
- 0%
- Lasers involved
- absolutely not
- Humans
- 1
- Hands
- 2
- Weeks of their life
- 3
Signed in ink, by hand, slightly crooked. Included with every Resin Banana, suitable for framing next to the banana itself.
The SendBaNaNaS Space Program
We are sending a banana to space. 🌍 → ☁️ → 🌌
Three stages. Stage 1: a balloon to the stratosphere. Stage 3: the International Space Station. We are exactly as serious as that sounds.
Questions a reasonable person would ask.
We built a startup around etching fruit. We anticipated skepticism.
I ordered one for my ex. It said “congrats on the divorce”. Ten out of ten, would escalate again.
— a customer we cannot legally name
It said “sorry for your loss”. He wasn’t dead, just fired. The banana walked that line perfectly.
— a colleague, technically
HR asked where the banana came from. Nobody talked. The banana ripened in the break room like a warning.
— an entire department, off the record
I sent one to myself to feel something. The diary made me cry. The banana understood me.
— a customer who is doing fine
My grandmother sent one that said “call your mother”. I called immediately. The banana knew things.
— a grandson, now compliant
The courier asked what was in the box. I said “feelings”. He nodded slowly. He has seen things.
— bpost, probably
It arrived green. By the time I forgave him, it was perfectly ripe. Nature’s apology timeline.
— someone’s girlfriend, eventually
- Is this real?
- Uncomfortably so. You pay €29, a real banana gets a real laser message, and a courier really brings it to a real EU address.
- What is the shelf life?
- A banana. It is a banana. Roughly 5–7 days of dignity, then it becomes a story. Etch accordingly.
- Is this legal?
- Yes. We operate within EU food-safety rules and our FASFC registration is in progress. The laser touches only the peel.
- Can I eat it?
- Absolutely. Laser etching removes a whisker of peel pigment and adds nothing to the fruit. Peel, eat, tell no one.
- What if it arrives bruised?
- A few travel spots are normal — bananas commute badly, and we photograph every one at packing so we know it left pristine. Arrives genuinely destroyed? Photo it and we etch and ship a fresh one, free. Refunds are for when a re-send makes no sense. Fruit is fragile; our support is not.
- Can I send something mean?
- Within reason. Our preview step quietly declines anything that would get a lawyer involved. Pettiness: welcome. Hate: peeled off.
- Is this AI-powered?
- Aggressively. A large language model moderates your message, art-directs the motif, and ghostwrites your banana’s memoir. We call this “fruit-native agentic AI” in investor meetings and “a computer helps” everywhere else.
- What is your moat?
- A laser, a fruit bowl, and a roadmap that ends at the International Space Station. Also network effects: bananas famously come in bunches.
- Is my data safe?
- We store your message, the shipping address, and nothing else. No trackers, no cookie banner, no “insights” about you. The banana forgets everything within a week — a data-retention policy we encourage you to adopt as well.
- Can I invest?
- The cap table is one person and a laser. We are pre-revenue-adjacent, raising a Seed-ling extension at a strictly vibes-based valuation. Serious inquiries: email a human, receive a banana.